Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
