Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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