guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
