trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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