I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you would pick up someone in the library
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize