nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
