I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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