Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
