Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
two words...techno handjob
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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