he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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