Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
