Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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