My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
