your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
