If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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