One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
