I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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