Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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