You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
