that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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