Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
