Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
