Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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