He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
