Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
