You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
