Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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