Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Houston, we have a blender
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
