I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
