I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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