I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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