I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
