I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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