hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
