I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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