I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
