It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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