she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
