I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think my mom watched the whole time
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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