I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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