I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
