Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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