I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
