I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
