Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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