and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I fill condoms, not promises.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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