just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
