new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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