Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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