Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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