Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
