my mouth tastes like poor choices
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
