i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
