I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
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