tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
