how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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