Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
