is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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