mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
