I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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