I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
