I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
