Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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