I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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