Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize