Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize