what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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