she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
